If you have an item that might suit the Smile File, E-mail it to Ben at chaplain@copcare.ca

Bizarre Canadian Laws

You may not pay for a fifty_cent item with only pennies.
In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch.
Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.
In Montreal, you may not swear in French.

Bizarre NEW YORK Law

It is illegal to shoot at a rabbit from a moving trolley.
It's illegal to speak to a person while riding in an elevator and you must fold your hands while looking forward.
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head
for fun.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

On Marriage

The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.
~ Harold Nicolson, Writer

To keep a fire burning brightly, there's one easy rule: Keep the logs together, near enough to keep warm and far enough apart for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.
~ Marnie Reed Crowel

Bizarre Advertisements

[The following ads actually appeared in newspapers]

• ILLITERATE? Write today for free help.
  
  
• AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again.
  
  
• DOG FOR SALE: Eats anything and is fond of children.
  
  
• STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one.
  
  
• GREAT DAMES for sale.
  

---

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
~ Albert Einstein

Work Phrases Explained

• All New: Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
• Automatic: That which you cannot repair yourself.
  
• Channels: The trails left by interoffice memos.
  
• Clarify: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
• Confidential Memo: No time to photocopy for the whole office.
• Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.
• Forwarded For Your Consideration: You hold the bag for a while.
• FYI: Found yesterday, interested?
• In Conference: Nobody can find him/her.
• Let's Get Together On This: I'm assuming you're as confused as I.
• Note & Initial: I'm not taking the fall for this myself.
• Policy: We can hide behind this.
• Please See Me: Come down to my office. I'm lonely.
• Top Priority: It may be stupid but the boss wants it.
• We Are Taking A Survey: We need more time to think of an answer or we can't find anyone willing to be responsible for this.
• Will Advise In Due Course: If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
  

Dreams in life may seem impossible. They are not. Impossible dreams are achieved one goal at a time.
~ Herman Cain, Chairman of Godfather's Pizza

Famous Last Words:

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?" "Where are we?" and "Oh, s__t!"
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist___"
~John Sedgwick~ Last words during a Civil War battle~

An English teacher asked her 8th grade class to write an essay on what they would do if they had a million dollars.
Morris handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Morris!" yelled the teacher, "you've done absolutely nothing. Why?" "Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"***

This was seen on the tow truck straight bar:
LAST CALL AFTER ALCOHOL.

A New Yorker was being shown around the back country of Louisiana by his cousin.
"Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" he asked.
The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."